Warning: If you plan on watching this film, don’t read this. If you’re not a Sex in the City fan, don’t even bother watching the film.

As an effort to slowly come out of by 5 month blogging hiatus, I’m going to try my best to pick up exactly where I left off. I recently saw the Sex in the City movie–admittedly 50% by peer pressure and 50% by sheer curiosity. I wasn’t expecting it to be great and I never considered myself to be an uber fan, so I don’t think I was nearly as disappointed as my friends when the credits began to roll and the lights in the theater turned back on. I don’t want to be a total hater, so I will start by naming a few good things about it:

• Entertaining
• Samantha and Charlotte were hilarious and deliver memorable lines
• Brought back some famous Carrie outfits
• Charlotte gets pregnant (Yay for her!)
• The ever-pervasive corniness was awesomely bad
• Charlotte poops her pants
• Miranda wears cuter outfits

Now for the nitty gritty on why it kinda sucked:

• Jennifer Hudson is the token black character
  I had some hopes for a character with more depth, but Hudson was given nothing but a stereotypical “sidekick” or “buddy” role, who tries to teach Carrie the meaning of love through a key chain. This was no better then the buddy roles in the ’80s and early ’90s (Lethal Weapon, 48 hours, etc.). Her lines were so stereotypical, that my friends and I found ourselves laughing out loud when everyone else was silent. She is a warm-hearted, jolly, naive Midwestern girl that comes to New York to find love, as if she wouldn’t be able to find it in a closer city–god forbid love exists in a city like Chicago or Minneapolis.

• Samantha “lets herself go”
  Because Samantha begins lusting after her hot neighbor but doesn’t want to cheat on Smith, she begins eating to avoid reacting to her carnal desires. The next time she sees the girls (at Charlotte’s baby shower), she appears to have gained about 5-10 lbs. In that scene, the second she walks through the doors, the camera focuses on her tummy, zooming in ultra close for a dramatic effect. It took me a second to figure out what the “problem” was. Samantha, a 50-year-old woman (for crying out loud) had a little bit of skin (NOT fat) hanging over her shirt and right above her really tight pants. It’s perfectly normal for women, especially women her age. And her friends, specifically Carrie, being the skin-and-bones overly lean woman that she is, can’t “help” but notice it, later implying that Samantha has “let herself go.” They all agree and before even giving her a proper greeting, tell her that she’s fat. Give me a break. What was even more pathetic is that Carrie slips in a little disclaimer saying “women can look good any size,” only for it to be preceded with something along the lines of “What the hell did you DO to yourself?” The scene would have made more sense if she was 200 lbs. or something.

• Cute Chinese girl never speaks
  Charlotte’s adopted daughter Lily is a “model minority” in training. She looks cute, never speaks, never shows emotion, never cries or asks questions, but rather seems to be stuck in a state of unrealistic complacency, happily going along with whatever is taking place in the movie. Can we say model minority robot?

• Carrie is a masochistic moron*
  So the moral of the story is only painful relationships are worth staying in. Carrie likes being treated like shit. Big was nothing more than a jerk in the series, and in the movie he outdid himself by leaving Carrie at THE ALTAR! I mean, he couldn’t just suck it up for one day? In his selfishness, he humiliated her in front of hundreds of people, not to mention that Carrie was left to face the aftershock alone–the news was released and dispersed throughout the media almost immediately. And Carrie forgives him. He wins her back by writing/copying lines from historically venerated love letters. He couldn’t come up with anything better than that? Perhaps original poems? Carrie should have left him at the end of the movie. Now that would have been memorable and would have made a statement.* This isn’t exactly specific to the movie; Carrie was always a masochistic moron. It would have been nice if she finally woke up and realized what she was doing to herself. She too, was not content with good men/good relationships. Case in point: Aiden.

• New York is the place of “Love and Labels”
  Okay, we all know New York is the “fashion capital of the world.” But don’t people move to New York for jobs? Or because it’s a great city with culture? Are designer clothes not available in any other place but New York? Seriously. Love isn’t necessarily easier or harder to find in big cities. I would actually think in many ways it’s harder. Yes, the quantity is there. But I’m not so sure about the quality, which is essential for a lasting relationship, right? San Francisco guys/men are typically douche bag yuppies. New York may only be a smidgen better, if not the same.
  

• Not like the Sex in the City series
  I think the movie faced what I like to call SSS or “severe sequel syndrome.” In all fairness, it’s hard to encompass what happened in six seasons in a mere one and a half hours. Through the six seasons, we got to see the complexity (for lack of a better term) of the characters, their emotional ups and downs, their quirks and pet peeves, their sexual encounters, failed relationships–and their journey through it all. I just thought the movie made Samantha, Carrie and Miranda self-loathing whiners. I felt like the movie didn’t do the show justice at all. And maybe that’s not what the movie intended to do, but it would have been nice to get a better sense of closure. It would have also been nice to see the formerly independent women possess backbones, but hey, that doesn’t necessarily scream “blockbuster.” That’s a pitfall of Hollywood, I guess.
  

• Product placement galore
  I felt like I was watching Castaway (remember all the FedEx logos everywhere?) at times. Louis Vuitton, Apple (Mac Book and iphone), Vivienne Westwood, Vogue, etc. were all over the movie. It seemed a bit excessive and even a bit distracting. Talking about products versus having them in your face for half the movie are two different things.

• Poor dialogue
  Lack of a witty, clever script: The only part that made me slightly emotional is when Carrie finds out Big isn’t showing up to the wedding and the scene where she throws flowers at him in her wedding dress. The plot was generally ridiculous and underdeveloped.

• No insight into Steve, Big and Smith
  It would have been nice to see where these guys are really coming from, rather than leaving them to be so one-dimensional.

All in all, I’m glad I watched it even though it sucked. It was awesomely bad. Hey, where would this brilliant commentary come from without the film?

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